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31.12.17

It feels like I only go backwards.

I was trying really hard to focus on a positive mindset for the new year, the internet will probably come back, I was hoping to go to Porto and Aveiro for the only week I have free and everything seemed like it was finally getting into place, that I had an oppportunity to start the year on a good and happy note. And when I embraced that positive thought and didn't mind to get my hopes high, life had to fuck everything like usually... I woke up this morning with a freaking pain in my chest and back and I could barely breath... I started crying because of the stupid bad luck I have. I just hate that I can't control things, my things, I hate that I let myself into thinking that everything will be fine and then everything just gets worse... 
Now I'm in bed, in pj, listening and freaking out with all the fireworks because it reminds me of the explosions that happened during the fire, and I get this unsettling thought that any time soon something bad will happen... Like I'm not buried in shit already... I'm just so tired of everything going bad, I don't know how am I supposed to keep a positive mindset when I can't catch a break... I try to motivate myself and focus on the good things, but it's hard sometimes, specially when you try really hard to start over and fight for happiness but shit like sickness just keeps getting in the way... 
I know I can't compare myself to others, because everyone has to deal with their own problems, but honestly sometimes I can't stop myself from thinking that some people have everything and I wish I had half of it... 
Now while everyone goes celebrate the freaking new year I'll just go google how to not feel sorry for myself when everything sucks. Bye.

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